As mentioned in my last post, there was a dream that I used for a college assignment. It was more of a concept – as dream journaling was currently off (PSA: Keep a dream journal!). However, I just remember a part of the dream where people were wearing overly happy-looking masks. I was confused but saw my own reflection also wearing one.

Oh boy, what was going on with me to have a dream?

Well, clearly, I felt that I was hiding some aspect of myself from others, just as others were hiding too. Pretending to be happy. Pretending to be perfect.

Perfect.

That’s a hard word for me.

I want to do things right the first time. which isn’t realistic. But what if there was such a perfect society? Everyone is happy talented and … perfect.

That’s where the short story comes in. And that college assignment. Thanks to these combinations Semblance was born.

So, I grabbed my Llama notebook and started writing down a summary, quotes, and some ideas that came to me. Then how the world, or in this case, town functioned. The setting and character profiles (coming later!).

Then the rough – very rough – outline.

I felt excited. Like I couldn’t keep up with all the ideas that kept flooding in. It’s a dopamine hit as these worlds and characters start to form. Show you who they are, their struggles, and goals. It’s amazing.

It’s dangerous.

As the dopamine was still rushing, I began writing the rough draft. the assignment made it so I could not go over a certain page number. Which is nice. At first.

But that quickly started to put a damper on all the ideas that also came about as I was writing the draft. I found that I would be quickly going over the maximum page number I was allowed if I kept going with all the ideas I wanted. So, I trimmed and took out the ideas for the final draft to still be functional, within page count, and done on time.

The short story passed the final grade. Yay!

Luckily, another college class/assignment allowed me the time and structure to expand on the short story.

Oh, more hard words.

Structure.

Time.

Without the deadlines presented in my college classes, I wouldn’t have gotten Semblance (the short story and the first two chapters) written. Only two chapters were required for this next assignment. Expanding on the short story felt amazing. And, of course, more ideas flowed that I wanted to explore later on in the story.

The flame that carried me to keep going after the class ended started to flicker and dim. The dopamine fading. Writing slowed. The shit writer took over.

No more assignments. No more hard deadlines to meet.

And now we are here.

There has been progress made. Some days are better than others. However, with two months left of my deadline goal, I’m starting to feel some pressure. I think it’s a good thing though. As I learned, I do good with deadlines. And consequences of not meeting them – like a failing grade and having to pay to take the same class again (maybe three times … because emotions and anxiety are great).

Self-imposed deadlines though . . .

Well, that’s part of why I’m a shit writer.

But we’re working on it! And the threat of losing some money is a motivator. Especially with it being implied that it would be donated to campaigns I heavily disagree with.

I have so much more to share about Semblance, please keep an eye out 😉